So the moment i got home from the surgery i peed and went to lay down. I was STARVING!!!! i ate baked ziti and ate the whole damn thing. i was talking to my dad on the phone telling him about the surgery and he couldnt believe that i sounded so normal.
DAY 1- So that day the anesthisia wore off and i noticed an EXTREME pressure in my butt. The pain frmo the stitches got realy painful and i cryed alot. I needed to pee every 2 hours and it was really hard for me to get out of bed without putting pressure on that area. someone had to walk me to the bathroom back and forth. I took tiny steps and with each step it hurt alot. Peeing was so hard because it stung soooooo bad. I soon started to pour warm water on me as i peed so it would help the pain. Sleeping was hard even with the meds because i would have to pee so much.
DAY 2- Same thing going on with the peeing alot i think its because i was drinking sooooo much water and juice. ice i noticed kind of hurt me even thought before the surgery it felt so good. It took a day or so to get used to the ice. Still had pressure in my butt and i remember saying wow if i didnt have this butt pain i would be ok! I cryed when my meds wore off because the pain would get worse. Sleeping was difficult and even moving an inch to change positions i would scream "OUCH!!!"
DAY 3- Butt pressure went away! that was a relief. I started the sitz baths. I was told to do them warm but i noticed if i did hot ones it helped me relax more. I didnt poop until the 3rd day and even when i did it was very painful. I was constipated. Straining was very painful. I just sat on the toilet and just waited for it to happen instead of pushing. Pain was still bad and i was taking meds every 4 hours.
Day 4- My birthday! i had a bunch of friends come over which was nice. It really got my mind off of the pain. I actually have a funny story...i was in the bathroom doing a sitz bath and was naked from the waste down when i was finished (im comfortable being naked infront of them) so as im walking out of the bathroom (I STARTED WALKING BY MYSELF WHICH WAS A BIG STEP!!!!!) they started singing happy birthday to me with a cake and i was naked lol!!!!!!!!! Had alot of fun that night and i remember when i slept i woke up still to pee and my friend had to walk me to the bathroom at 5am and 7am. did alot of sitz baths which soothed and relaxed my muscles. I took my first shower. I was fine and then an hour or so later i noticed SO MUCH STINGING. the soap from my shampoo prob got on that area and wow it hurt alot. I was so upset so i took more meds and rested so much more.
Day 5- Pain was getting lesser and i was so happy to feel that. I noticed that the stinging with peeing was less. One thing that scared me was at one point my stitches felt like they were "protruding out" if that makes any sense. I just had to not strain or put pressure on them. pain meds helped alot. bleeding was minimal. I started walking around my apartment by myself alot more and getting up to get food by myself etc. If i didnt mention this i was using ice all day. I couldnt live without it and it helped with numbing me.
Day 6- GREAT DAY! my friend and sis were with me and i was feeling so confident that i left the house to go out for coffee and went to target! So i walked with my friend and sis holding my arm which alowed me to walk slow. When i got to starbucks (5 min walk) i had a little more pain from the walking. Couldnt sit so went right to target which was downstares. As i was walking around target thats when my pain got worse and i walked soooo slow, i told them i had to go so i took a cab home. Got hom took meds and relaxed. it was so nice to get out of the house though.
Day 7- Felt dry in that area. I noticed when i was laying down and had taken meds that i felt so great. Icing all day and meds. Laying on my back and side all day.
Day 8- pretty much the same i was feeling better little by little. Sleeping was a little easier because i wasnt peeing every 2 hours anymore. I was able to sleep through the night but not as much as i slept before surgery.
Day 9- So i was so confident that i stoped taking pain meds every 3-4 hours that i only took them when i needed and it took a toll on me. I noticed the stinging with peeing got so bad and i got upset and a friend of mine that has had the surgery told me its because i stoped the meds. When i started the meds again i felt better so im going to take them every 4 hours so that doesnt happen again.
DAY 10- Still had s ing but i need to stop and relax in bed. I only took medicine 2 times today and i need to take some now because im feeling really sore. Thats what i feel now "sore". Im icing so much. Im hoping that tmrow brings a better day and im moving in the right direction!
XOXOXO -Sarah
Sunday, September 18, 2011
My Vestibulectomy.
Let me first say i feel horrible i havent updated this earlier.
I want to give as many details about surgery day as possible.
So i wake up at 7am to be in the city by 9am. The worst part about the surgery was the aniticipation. I get bad anxiety so that sucked alot. When i arrived at the facility i felt SO MUCH BETTER. just seeing where it was going to be and talking to the nurses calmed me down so much. I was even laughing and joking around with my sister and friend who was there with me. I changed into the gown and little booties and was directed into the room where it was going to be.
I layed down and my dr put my legs up and asked if that position was comfortable.. the anasthesiologist put the IV in my arm and then told me she would soon start the anasthesisia. Right when she started i felt a coldness in my arm which they said was normal. seconds later i was dozing off and POOF i was asleep.
I woke up and felt drowzy. They helped me up and walked me over to the recovery room. I was connected to a heart monitor i believe and it would beep if i didnt take deep breaths so that made me force myself to relax. i looked down and saw an ice pack between my legs. I told the nurse i was ok and she looked after me. My sister and friend came in and i was still out of it. I didnt feel the pain because i was all numbed down. I told the nurse i had to pee bad and that was actually something alot of women struggle with. The nurse helped me up and i took TINY steps to the bathroom with her. I peed so hard. It was like an explosion of pee LOL! extreme pressure to pee. Tiny bit of blood. then i went back to the recovery room and drak like 3 cups of water. Peed again! then the nurse took off the heart monitor and i chilled a little bit longer then i left!
so my sisters friend drove me, my sis, and my friend home. I was in the back seat laying down and my head was lying on my friends lap. Half way home we were stuck in traffic and i notice that the extreem pressure to pee was starting and i started to cry. We had to stop at a gas station. I peed so hard again. I instantly felt better. Then another half hour drive to my house and right when we pulled up i had that extreme pee again so i cryed while i walked in my door and hurryed to the bathroom. I went to my bed and this is where the revovery begins.....
all in all...i noticed that the actual process of the surgery like the panicking and worrying and anticipation was a waste because it wasnt even a big deal. the recovery was really really really hard the first 5-6 days. I will give details in my next post about that :)
xo -Sarah
I want to give as many details about surgery day as possible.
So i wake up at 7am to be in the city by 9am. The worst part about the surgery was the aniticipation. I get bad anxiety so that sucked alot. When i arrived at the facility i felt SO MUCH BETTER. just seeing where it was going to be and talking to the nurses calmed me down so much. I was even laughing and joking around with my sister and friend who was there with me. I changed into the gown and little booties and was directed into the room where it was going to be.
I layed down and my dr put my legs up and asked if that position was comfortable.. the anasthesiologist put the IV in my arm and then told me she would soon start the anasthesisia. Right when she started i felt a coldness in my arm which they said was normal. seconds later i was dozing off and POOF i was asleep.
I woke up and felt drowzy. They helped me up and walked me over to the recovery room. I was connected to a heart monitor i believe and it would beep if i didnt take deep breaths so that made me force myself to relax. i looked down and saw an ice pack between my legs. I told the nurse i was ok and she looked after me. My sister and friend came in and i was still out of it. I didnt feel the pain because i was all numbed down. I told the nurse i had to pee bad and that was actually something alot of women struggle with. The nurse helped me up and i took TINY steps to the bathroom with her. I peed so hard. It was like an explosion of pee LOL! extreme pressure to pee. Tiny bit of blood. then i went back to the recovery room and drak like 3 cups of water. Peed again! then the nurse took off the heart monitor and i chilled a little bit longer then i left!
so my sisters friend drove me, my sis, and my friend home. I was in the back seat laying down and my head was lying on my friends lap. Half way home we were stuck in traffic and i notice that the extreem pressure to pee was starting and i started to cry. We had to stop at a gas station. I peed so hard again. I instantly felt better. Then another half hour drive to my house and right when we pulled up i had that extreme pee again so i cryed while i walked in my door and hurryed to the bathroom. I went to my bed and this is where the revovery begins.....
all in all...i noticed that the actual process of the surgery like the panicking and worrying and anticipation was a waste because it wasnt even a big deal. the recovery was really really really hard the first 5-6 days. I will give details in my next post about that :)
xo -Sarah
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
What a joke
In my last post i talked about how excruciating my migraine was last night....today i woke up and it was gone. My burning was so so ...i decided to go out food shopping. (i hadnt left my apartment in 3 days,) I even put makeup on and dressed nice...i felt "good." As im walking around target my burning sky rockets to a 10/10. I remember walking in the isle and having to stop and my eyes rolled in the back of my head and i cought myself. I have never blacked out before. This is just to devastating. The one day i feel somewhat good ...this happens.
I am so upset.
I am so upset.
What a relief!!!!
So yesterday i started to get a headache...and quickly drank some coffee hoping it would nip it in the bud. Instead it got worse and worse. I dont know what but when i get headaches..i feel like such a baby because i cant handle the pain. I would rather be burning 10/10 raw inflamation then have a headache...and to top it off i couldnt take any meds because my surgery is 6 days away....ugh. So i had a long and rough night but im happy to say it FINALLY went away!!!!!
My burning right now is about a 3/10. When it is that low i find that i forget about it and go on with my day. Its funny that i just said "that low" ....it should be a 0/10 no woman should ever have to think about what pain their vagina is on a scale of 1-10.
some day one day....
Im sorry but i cant help but ask myself and god...how come some cancers and other devestating diseases are 100% curable but the pain we go through everyday isnt. I mean im sure there are some cures that are more drastic but it takes a LONG time to get there and money....
xo -Sarah
My burning right now is about a 3/10. When it is that low i find that i forget about it and go on with my day. Its funny that i just said "that low" ....it should be a 0/10 no woman should ever have to think about what pain their vagina is on a scale of 1-10.
some day one day....
Im sorry but i cant help but ask myself and god...how come some cancers and other devestating diseases are 100% curable but the pain we go through everyday isnt. I mean im sure there are some cures that are more drastic but it takes a LONG time to get there and money....
xo -Sarah
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Trapped
Tonight i was supposed to be out at a birthday party...having fun. Instead i am home. I chose not to go because of the pain. I wanted to go not only to have fun but to prove that i could be normal. I feel like a loser for staying home on a saturday night while everyone around me is out having fun.
I hate night time even though im a night owl. I think the main reason i hate it is because i have a hard time falling asleep. I need to be really tired and that usually happens around 4am.
One thing i also am having trouble with is relaxing. Its hard for me to focus. If im watching a movie or tv show, i just cant focus my mind on it 100% when i think back i used to be able to without a problem.
Praying for better days...
xo -Sarah
I hate night time even though im a night owl. I think the main reason i hate it is because i have a hard time falling asleep. I need to be really tired and that usually happens around 4am.
One thing i also am having trouble with is relaxing. Its hard for me to focus. If im watching a movie or tv show, i just cant focus my mind on it 100% when i think back i used to be able to without a problem.
Praying for better days...
xo -Sarah
Friday, September 2, 2011
My First Post
I am laying on my side, trying to keep myself from falling into a deeper depression. Its very hard. My pain right now on a scale from 1-10 would be a 10/10. Its pretty severe and i dont know how I've put up with it for so long.
My vestibulectomy is in 6 days. That is my motivation. Everyone around me keeps telling me to look forward to it and that i will be okay but i cant help but think that i will still have to live with this for the rest of my life.
It all started in 2008...
i had a simple bacterial infection then a yeast and back and forth. The dr i was seeing at the time kept giving me all different types of yeast medications even though the cultures were ALWAYS NEGATIVE. The slide she looked at in the office was positive (yes every woman has healthy yeast) but cultures were negative. She still kept giving me pills and creams and i kept telling her i was still burning. I then went to a different dr in that office who knew less then the one i had just seen. She hands me a script for a cream and says (this will take your burning away!) i was beyond happy....went home and of course it made me worse and she also said to come back in 6 months....UMMMMM thats a long time to report back. Thats when i went to my 3rd dr. Same thing...cultures were negative but was still being prescribed pills and creams. On to my 4th gyno who said i looked perfectly fine (like all the other dr told me) and i had nothing. Keep in mind my blood was tested over and over and i never had anything. My life consisted of burning...and i guess i just dealt with it. At that time i didnt tell my family or close friends and just kept it in...i was also in college and under heavy school work that distracted me. I would say a year went by and it got so bad that i had to tell my father. (he is my best friend.) He tried his best to understand...i also told my sister and had to explain everything i had been through. I started seeing a therapist for the first time. She was amazing. We INSTANTLY bonded and i felt like she was my mother at times. She understood the pain i was in even though she never had it. We talked about it for many sessions did many exercises and i went on with my life. I found a "specialist" in NYC whos name i will tell privately because i dont want to start any drama. It was a JOKE. 300$ down the toilet. On to gyno number 5....same thing cultured and examined and im fine...big surprise there! went on with my life and still had sex. At that point it was painful but somehow i still did it. I had pain free sex for 5 years before this started so i noticed the difference immediately. I cried and cried and prayed that it would just go away. After every new cream i would get my hopes up and still nothing helped. I was introduced to Estrace cream...wow....AMAZING. It saved my life! At that time, nothing was giving me relief and i was just living in pain but when i put the estrace on it INSTANTLY took away the burning and soothed the area. I rushed to my therapist and told her the great news! She was so happy! after im not sure months of use it still worked...but the burning would come back. So instead of the pain just staying away, it would come back and i would have to keep re-applying it. At that time i didnt mind because it was giving me such good relief. At this time also i was in college full time classes and each class was 4.5 hours long sometimes 2 classes in a day. i DIED every time i had to sit for that long. Thats when i realized that to everyone around me, i look normal and happy and laughing but on the inside im DIEING and no one even knows....on to my 6th gyno...who prescribed me Premerin...got my hopes up and it did nothing...(this next procedure was the most painful thing i have ever went through in my entire life) That same gyno put a chemical on my whole vagina and i didnt know what it was. He said "it will take off the layer off skin and grow back a new one" i thought to myself ok maybe this will be the answer to my prayers...i was so happy to do it...he put the stuff on and BAM. i screamed at the top of my lungs and cried so hard....it was so bad that walking out of the office i had to take baby steps ...walking to my apartment was hell. Calling my dad at work SCREAMING from the pain he was so upset about what had happened. I went to pee and OMG it was so horrible!!! then i saw blood!!!! wow just thinking about it makes me sick. He told me to just be patient but i wanted to die. He said come back in 2 weeks and we will do another treatment...i went back after everything calmed down and i begged him PLEASE PLEASE DONT DO IT AGAIN and he just said "its ok its okdont understand its the worst pain of my life and he just did it anyways. By this time my vagina had gotten used to the trauma and it wasnt as bad as the first time but it was still horrible. After that experience NEVER saw him again. To this day im trying to think of a way how i can sue his ass but ive been told by many people that medical law suits are extremely difficult and take alot of time and money. Two things i cant waste. (This is the best part of my description) I was refereed to a "specialist" and so i googled her name and HUNDREDS of women were talking shit about her saying she is a QUACK and so one woman said "dont go to her, see dr, andrew goldstein" so i googled him and found his website....i felt like my prayers were answered. I called him the next day and set up an appointment. I was told the price of the first appointment (over 1 thousand $) but i didnt care. It was 3 month wait and i had to travel to a different state to see him but i still didnt care. I waited and prayed. So the day i see him...he pulls me in his office and says "this is where you tell me whats going on...i get your history...tell me everything in details...and then we go to the exam where i DIAGNOSE you...(I WAS NEVER EVER DIAGNOSED!!! ) then after the exam we come back to my office and we talk about treatment plans...) i was BEYOND happy. We went to teh exam room and he INSTANTLY knew what was wrong with me. (Pelvic Floor Dysfunction...and vulvar vestibulitis) My muscles on the inside were very tight and had many spasms and i had extreme burning on the vestibule. He wrote down a full list explaining everything and all of the treatments....my eyes were bright and i was BEYOND happy. I then start physical therapy for the muscles and valium suppositories...months go by and i notice all of my burning was pretty much gone! i couldnt believe it.....this was the summer of 2010. Then when school started for me in septemeber BOOM my severe burning was back. I still went to PT to help with the muscles....(very expensive) after my muscles were in better condition....we tried botox injections into my muscles on the inside of my vagina. (SO EXPENSIVE!) So a couple days after the botox, i notice my burning was GONE! i couldnt believe it! i had a 10 day period of NO burning. then BOOM it came back....Then which was weird i had another 10 day period of no burning and BOOM it came back again. So i went back several months later and my next option was Estrodial Gel (estrogen and testosterone gel) I put it on 2 times a day and after days i noticed the skin felt different (nice and thick) it felt nice...then i was like WOW i think this is helping! then BOOM it came back...i continued it for several months and after no improvement i went back to him. My next option was Capsacin. I wont go into much detail because it was more horrifying then the chemical the gyno had put on me (silver nitrate) ....i used it once and threw it away!!! i wwent back to dr goldstein and said I WANT THE SURGERY. We talked about it and i later had my pre-op exam which was 2 weeks ago. He took blood work and did a q-tip test to see where exactly i was burning.
Here i am...6 days until the surgery...crying from frustration and burning. I just want this to be over. My biggest fear is having this forever but i just CANT think about that. I have to keep my head up and keep going. I tell myself all the time that ive made it THIS far i can do it!!!
Thank you in advance for reading through my post. I wanted to start now so i can fully document all of the details of my surgery for other women who are thinking about getting it.
Until next time......
xo -Sarah
My vestibulectomy is in 6 days. That is my motivation. Everyone around me keeps telling me to look forward to it and that i will be okay but i cant help but think that i will still have to live with this for the rest of my life.
It all started in 2008...
i had a simple bacterial infection then a yeast and back and forth. The dr i was seeing at the time kept giving me all different types of yeast medications even though the cultures were ALWAYS NEGATIVE. The slide she looked at in the office was positive (yes every woman has healthy yeast) but cultures were negative. She still kept giving me pills and creams and i kept telling her i was still burning. I then went to a different dr in that office who knew less then the one i had just seen. She hands me a script for a cream and says (this will take your burning away!) i was beyond happy....went home and of course it made me worse and she also said to come back in 6 months....UMMMMM thats a long time to report back. Thats when i went to my 3rd dr. Same thing...cultures were negative but was still being prescribed pills and creams. On to my 4th gyno who said i looked perfectly fine (like all the other dr told me) and i had nothing. Keep in mind my blood was tested over and over and i never had anything. My life consisted of burning...and i guess i just dealt with it. At that time i didnt tell my family or close friends and just kept it in...i was also in college and under heavy school work that distracted me. I would say a year went by and it got so bad that i had to tell my father. (he is my best friend.) He tried his best to understand...i also told my sister and had to explain everything i had been through. I started seeing a therapist for the first time. She was amazing. We INSTANTLY bonded and i felt like she was my mother at times. She understood the pain i was in even though she never had it. We talked about it for many sessions did many exercises and i went on with my life. I found a "specialist" in NYC whos name i will tell privately because i dont want to start any drama. It was a JOKE. 300$ down the toilet. On to gyno number 5....same thing cultured and examined and im fine...big surprise there! went on with my life and still had sex. At that point it was painful but somehow i still did it. I had pain free sex for 5 years before this started so i noticed the difference immediately. I cried and cried and prayed that it would just go away. After every new cream i would get my hopes up and still nothing helped. I was introduced to Estrace cream...wow....AMAZING. It saved my life! At that time, nothing was giving me relief and i was just living in pain but when i put the estrace on it INSTANTLY took away the burning and soothed the area. I rushed to my therapist and told her the great news! She was so happy! after im not sure months of use it still worked...but the burning would come back. So instead of the pain just staying away, it would come back and i would have to keep re-applying it. At that time i didnt mind because it was giving me such good relief. At this time also i was in college full time classes and each class was 4.5 hours long sometimes 2 classes in a day. i DIED every time i had to sit for that long. Thats when i realized that to everyone around me, i look normal and happy and laughing but on the inside im DIEING and no one even knows....on to my 6th gyno...who prescribed me Premerin...got my hopes up and it did nothing...(this next procedure was the most painful thing i have ever went through in my entire life) That same gyno put a chemical on my whole vagina and i didnt know what it was. He said "it will take off the layer off skin and grow back a new one" i thought to myself ok maybe this will be the answer to my prayers...i was so happy to do it...he put the stuff on and BAM. i screamed at the top of my lungs and cried so hard....it was so bad that walking out of the office i had to take baby steps ...walking to my apartment was hell. Calling my dad at work SCREAMING from the pain he was so upset about what had happened. I went to pee and OMG it was so horrible!!! then i saw blood!!!! wow just thinking about it makes me sick. He told me to just be patient but i wanted to die. He said come back in 2 weeks and we will do another treatment...i went back after everything calmed down and i begged him PLEASE PLEASE DONT DO IT AGAIN and he just said "its ok its okdont understand its the worst pain of my life and he just did it anyways. By this time my vagina had gotten used to the trauma and it wasnt as bad as the first time but it was still horrible. After that experience NEVER saw him again. To this day im trying to think of a way how i can sue his ass but ive been told by many people that medical law suits are extremely difficult and take alot of time and money. Two things i cant waste. (This is the best part of my description) I was refereed to a "specialist" and so i googled her name and HUNDREDS of women were talking shit about her saying she is a QUACK and so one woman said "dont go to her, see dr, andrew goldstein" so i googled him and found his website....i felt like my prayers were answered. I called him the next day and set up an appointment. I was told the price of the first appointment (over 1 thousand $) but i didnt care. It was 3 month wait and i had to travel to a different state to see him but i still didnt care. I waited and prayed. So the day i see him...he pulls me in his office and says "this is where you tell me whats going on...i get your history...tell me everything in details...and then we go to the exam where i DIAGNOSE you...(I WAS NEVER EVER DIAGNOSED!!! ) then after the exam we come back to my office and we talk about treatment plans...) i was BEYOND happy. We went to teh exam room and he INSTANTLY knew what was wrong with me. (Pelvic Floor Dysfunction...and vulvar vestibulitis) My muscles on the inside were very tight and had many spasms and i had extreme burning on the vestibule. He wrote down a full list explaining everything and all of the treatments....my eyes were bright and i was BEYOND happy. I then start physical therapy for the muscles and valium suppositories...months go by and i notice all of my burning was pretty much gone! i couldnt believe it.....this was the summer of 2010. Then when school started for me in septemeber BOOM my severe burning was back. I still went to PT to help with the muscles....(very expensive) after my muscles were in better condition....we tried botox injections into my muscles on the inside of my vagina. (SO EXPENSIVE!) So a couple days after the botox, i notice my burning was GONE! i couldnt believe it! i had a 10 day period of NO burning. then BOOM it came back....Then which was weird i had another 10 day period of no burning and BOOM it came back again. So i went back several months later and my next option was Estrodial Gel (estrogen and testosterone gel) I put it on 2 times a day and after days i noticed the skin felt different (nice and thick) it felt nice...then i was like WOW i think this is helping! then BOOM it came back...i continued it for several months and after no improvement i went back to him. My next option was Capsacin. I wont go into much detail because it was more horrifying then the chemical the gyno had put on me (silver nitrate) ....i used it once and threw it away!!! i wwent back to dr goldstein and said I WANT THE SURGERY. We talked about it and i later had my pre-op exam which was 2 weeks ago. He took blood work and did a q-tip test to see where exactly i was burning.
Here i am...6 days until the surgery...crying from frustration and burning. I just want this to be over. My biggest fear is having this forever but i just CANT think about that. I have to keep my head up and keep going. I tell myself all the time that ive made it THIS far i can do it!!!
Thank you in advance for reading through my post. I wanted to start now so i can fully document all of the details of my surgery for other women who are thinking about getting it.
Until next time......
xo -Sarah
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